Helping Build Resilient Minds
Relationship Anxiety: Understanding & Healing
What Is Relationship Anxiety?
Relationship anxiety is more than the occasional doubt or worry—it’s a persistent, sometimes overwhelming fear that something is wrong or will go wrong in your relationships. You may find yourself questioning your partner’s feelings, doubting your own worth, or feeling on edge even in moments of closeness.
Common signs of relationship anxiety include:
- Constantly needing reassurance from your partner
- Overanalysing texts, tone of voice, or small interactions
- Obsessing over whether you’re “good enough” or “too much”
- Fear of abandonment or being rejected
- Avoiding vulnerability to “protect” yourself, or clinging tightly to avoid loss
- Checking behaviours (scrolling through messages, replaying conversations)
- Chronic self-doubt and emotional ups and downs
These patterns often overlap with Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and perfectionism, and can involve rumination, checking, reassurance-seeking, and avoidance.
Why Is Relationship Anxiety So Exhausting?
Relationship anxiety traps you in a cycle of “what ifs,” self-criticism, and hypervigilance. You might feel unable to relax, always scanning for signs of danger or disconnection—even when things are going well.
Over time, this can lead to:
- Emotional exhaustion and burnout
- Difficulty being present and enjoying intimacy
- Guilt or shame for “needing too much”
- Chronic worry that undermines trust and connection
Where Does Relationship Anxiety Come From?
Relationship anxiety is deeply human. It often stems from early attachment experiences, past relational wounds, and internal beliefs about worthiness and safety. Factors can include:
- Childhood experiences of inconsistency, emotional neglect, or criticism
- Past betrayals or relationship trauma
- Perfectionistic or people-pleasing tendencies
- High sensitivity to perceived rejection
- Unprocessed grief or loss
- Deep fears of abandonment or engulfment
At its core, anxiety in relationships is a protective system—your brain’s attempt to prevent pain. But when this system becomes overactive, it can start to sabotage the very closeness and love you long for.
Relationships Are Inherently Uncertain
A key part of healing from relationship anxiety is embracing the truth that all relationships involve uncertainty and risk. There are no absolute guarantees—choosing intimacy means opening to both joy and vulnerability.
Therapy helps you develop the capacity to tolerate this uncertainty, reflect on your values, and trust your own wisdom to guide your choices. We explore:
- What’s happening for you internally?
- Is it helpful or effective in moving you towards the kind of relationship you want?
- What alternative ways of responding might feel more aligned with your values and long-term goals?
This process is not about forcing yourself to “stop worrying,” but about building self-awareness, emotional flexibility, and deeper self-compassion.
My Approach to Relationship Anxiety in Therapy
As a BABCP-accredited Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist, I offer an integrative, evidence-based approach to relationship anxiety, combining:
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) — to address unhelpful thinking patterns, reduce reassurance-seeking, and challenge compulsive checking behaviours.
- Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) — to soften self-criticism, nurture an inner sense of safety, and support emotional regulation.
- Attachment-focused therapy — to explore and heal old relational patterns, strengthen your capacity for secure connection, and support authentic intimacy.
- Mindfulness and grounding techniques — to reduce rumination and help you stay present in your body and emotions.
- Behavioural experiments and gradual exposure — to practice being with uncertainty and reduce avoidance behaviours.
Together, we aim to:
- Understand and compassionately explore what drives your anxiety
- Break unhelpful cycles and build new, healthier patterns
- Strengthen your self-trust and emotional resilience
- Connect more deeply with your values and long-term relational goals
A Note on Abusive Relationships
It’s crucial to recognise that relationship anxiety is not the same as intuitive concerns about genuinely unsafe or abusive relationships. In abusive dynamics, fear or hypervigilance is often a realistic response to real harm—whether emotional, psychological, or physical. If you’re in a relationship where your safety is at risk, the priority is physical and psychological safety, not tolerating uncertainty or working on self-doubt. Therapy in these cases focuses on safety planning, support networks, and recovery from trauma rather than challenging anxious thoughts.
Seeking Support For Relationship Anxiety
You don’t need to have it all figured out before seeking help. Many people with relationship anxiety feel ashamed of their fears or worry they’re “too much.” In therapy, we create a safe, non-judgmental space where you can explore these patterns at your own pace.
Whether you’re struggling with constant rumination, fear of abandonment, or self-sabotaging behaviours, therapy can help you build security from within—so you can move towards relationships that feel more open, connected, and nourishing.
Feel free to get in touch for a free 30-minute consultation to explore whether therapy might be right for you. Sessions are available in-person in South London (Peckham Levels) and online.